Valentine's Day - What it's not

A Starting Place

Yesterday was February the 14th and for the majority of the world this is a day that is full of a variety of different emotions. For any of you that have known me for an extended period of time, you likely know my feelings on the topic of Valentine's Day and that I am not a fan because it is a made up holiday that is geared towards simply selling cards, chocolates and stuffed animals at unreasonably high prices and do not get me started on jewelry. Now before you start off talking about how Valentine's Day isn't a made up holiday and how it actually started off with Saint Valentine who was martyred and buried on February 14th... let me point out that while those may or may not be facts, however, I am far more interested in the reality of what decisions and things people actually do on said day indicate versus some historical events we use to simply defend incorrect behavior. If you're interested, the same can be said about Saint Patrick's Day and to be honest, Christmas is not far from the same thing, but that is a different conversation for a different time. Look it up.

One of the main reasons I take such strong issue with this day is due to the continued social pressure that points to those that are in relationships as being "whole" or "complete" or more valuable and that those who single are less valuable or incomplete. Of course nobody would ever say that and most people probably don't even think that, but the truth is that the decisions made and the society we allow to continue furthers that exact concept. So there it is, the true heart of what I think and feel. You may or may not agree, but feel free to read on if you wish but it will be more of the same. My point in writing/posting is the hope of changing or at least expanding the thinking and behavioral patterns of some for the bettering of society as a whole.

The Big Issue

For years now I have observed a growing pattern of "single-shaming" mentality and the saddest part for me is that it seems to come mostly from the Christian community. People seem to treat being single as "paying your dues" until you can one day get married and become what they are "supposed to be." The idea seems to be that you are not complete until you are married. As someone who grew up in the church and in a Christian home I am very familiar with what the Bible says on the topic. However, far more often than not, the verses that are highlighted are the ones that describe the beautiful sanctity that is true biblical marriage versus the practical benefits of remaining single, and even more importantly, the fulfillment that is designed to come in a relationship with Christ. Do not mishear me, I am not against marriage. The way that God designed two souls to complete each other is more beautiful than I can describe with words. Marriage can be a tremendous blessing but it is because I hold it in such a high regard that I believe it should not be entered into lightly and the pressure that our Christian society places on people to do so causes one of two things, both of which are bad. The first is it causes people to live their lives of singleness distracted by an idea that they can never be as effective in ministry or be as complete in their lives until they find "the one." This pressure causes people to more often than not rush into a relationship for which they are ill prepared and possible not even designed to enter into, that's the second thing. You heard me right, I do not believe that marriage is for everyone. 

The apostle Paul makes a point in his first letter to the Corinthian church, amidst talking about marriage in such great detail to include a warning and council to those that are not yet married.

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Paul takes the same stance that I do, not condoning marriage but no condoning single-hood either. Yet this is rarely ever brought up in church circles. There is a variety of reasons that this needs to be addressed but one of the biggest indicators is the increasingly high divorce rates, especially among those active in the Church. Obviously it is difficult if not impossible to actually track statistics amongst actual followers of Christ so the only indicators we have are those that are at least actively attending church in some capacity. According to most of the statistics out there divorce rates have been on a steady increase over the last 20 to 30 years and while the numbers have been going down the last few years for the first time in a while, much of those statistics come from the reality that divorces are down because marriages are down. The world has seen how the Church treats marriage and has come to minimize it even more. These days people are more likely to get married for tax benefits than for actual "love." This is definitely not the effect I think God intended when He created it in the first place. 

In addition, you may have noticed that more and more people are getting married later in life as a result of a variety of different realties, but one of the strongest being the high rate of divorce amongst so many of the people that they grew up basing their understanding of what marriage to be. I think that people getting married later in life is a great evolution from the generations when people were getting married between the ages of 14 and 21, when you're understanding of things is still so unfinished and your maturity and wisdom is still very lacking, however, I am still greatly saddened over the cause of this new trend.

Christian Divorce = Oxymoron

Far too many Christians are getting divorced which tells me that people just are not viewing it in the permanent sense that God has ordained it. It also tells me that people are entering into this covenant way too carelessly. I get it, for years and years we have grown up in societies where marriage was just the natural next step. You go to school, you meet someone and fall in  love, you get married, find a job, have a few kids and live out your life in the fantasy world of "happily ever after." But what happens if you skip a step? So many of my friends didn't fall in love, are they destined to live without the "happily ever after?" Is this God's plan? Did they do something wrong? Is there a reason they haven't met "the right one" yet? Is it possible that they are called to live a life married to the Lord and his calling for their life could still be ministry? If so, is this an inferior life? Is it less than the life of a married couple? Absolutely not. Marriage is wonderful, of course, but it is meant to be a permanent relationship like that of Christ to His church. You wouldn't want Jesus viewing His relationship to the church the way many Americans view their marriages, I assure you. However, if that's not enough of a reason there is still more to consider.

A new type of Cultural Awareness

We are on the brink of a new level of cultural awareness in America. People are facing the consequences of living by their conditioning and pre-conceived notions without ever checking them to see if they are wise and helpful to the people they are affecting. I look forward to the days when discrimination of any kind is shamed and the norm is treating people with care, respect and decency. In essence, following that age old "golden rule" of treating others as you would want to be treated. However, as we continue to lead our society into a more evolved age, I do not want there to be any blind spots. We must train ourselves to stop asking questions and making statements that not only secretly hurt and wound those around us; that not only highlight our ignorance of the person we are talking to; but also furthers an attitude and group mentality that says it is ok and therefore is allowed to continue. 

How often when you meet someone new do you start off by asking if they are in a relationship with anyone? How long does the conversation go until that question comes out? I would imagine it is probably pretty soon. I bet if you were to ask a single person how often they are asked the question or a variant of it, you might be surprised. But it doesn't stop there. Once someone is dating someone how long does it take before you ask them when they're going to get married? And once they get married, how soon before you ask them about when they are going to start having kids? You may read that and wonder what the big deal is. The big deal is that you are taking something that you believe is normal and "supposed to happen" and you are impressing those beliefs onto someone with whom they may have absolutely no bearing whatsoever. What if the couple can't have kids and every time someone asks them that question it reinforces the lie that the devil whispers in their ear that they are not complete? What if every time you ask about marriage it forces them to consider jumping into a complex level of a relationship that was not meant to be entered into lightly and it is meant to last forever, but what if they are not with the right person? And what if every time you ask someone if they are dating someone you are undermining the Holy Spirit possibly calling them to an equally fulfilled life of full dedication to serving God in ways that a married person would never be able to do? Do you see the problem here? I know it sounds extreme, but it is worth stating, it is possible that you could be a tool for the enemy, the defeated one, as he wants nothing more than to hinder and destroy any chance of our being effective in accomplishing the will of our Creator for His ultimate glory. What if instead of asking new people you meet those questions based on your reality, you simply ask the question, "what is important any our life" or "hey, what are the things you are excited about right now?" These questions still show you are interested and you want to go deeper, but it also allows you to gain perspective and insight on who they are before you start throwing your own presuppositions onto them that may not even apply. Something to think about.

New Beginnings 

Look, I am not saying that Valentine's Day is a bad thing but if it really is the anniversary of Christian martyr Saint Valentino then it makes far more sense to me that we spend that day celebrating the love that God displayed for us in sending His son and the love Christ has displayed for his bride, the church. I am also not saying that we can't spend some degree of time expressing love for the people that God has put in our lives (honestly, that is something that needs to be happening every day), but we do need to stop treating our earthly relationships as idols and substitutes for a relationship that was always designed to be primary and priority, which is the one with God and His son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. It was Jesus that said the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul & mind (Matt. 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27). Jesus also said that Christians will be KNOWN, meaning famous for, our love for each other (Jn. 13:35). It may not seem like it from this post, but "I have and always will be, the optimist, the hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams" (DW 6.5). This means that I do not believe people are intentionally and consciously doing and saying these things on purpose with full knowledge and understanding of the damage they are inflicting. That is why it is so important for people to speak and people to listen. We should never assume we are right or that we have all the information. We should be continuous learners and always working to become better versions of ourselves. As Christians this means that we make God's Word priority and strive to be more and more like the one whom we bear the name of, Christians (translated little-Christ). For those that have not surrendered to that truth, it simple means you never settle with who you are, sure, at your core, the things that make you unique because God made you that way should never change and you should be confident in that part of who you are, but the other part of you, the fluid part that has simply been shaped by the world around you should always be evaluated and measured against the ever growing understanding of truth.

A Calling to Evaluate

Allow me to conclude all of this by appealing to my brothers and sisters in Christ, specifically those of you that have this out of date mind frame, which typically seems to be those that are in relationships of some kind, usually married people. Please stop treating single people as though they are less than you, adjust your thinking and realize that they are not to be pitied as though they were lacking in some way. As you have conversations and relationships with these people, realize that they are just as valuable to God and useful in accomplishing His calling on their lives as you are. Marriage is not for everyone and in actuality, these people have freedom and flexibility to be effective in ministry in a way that you married people will never come close to, so we need these people in our churches. They are not weird, they are not broken, so you do not need to constantly try to pair them up, play match maker and constantly ask them about who they're interested in. Instead, we need more ministries directed at growing these people up in the Word and reminding them that they are still called and can still be effective without constantly having your worldview rubbed in their face. Yes, if they sense God calling or directing them to join as one flesh to another then great, but that should happen in God's perfect timing as He directs, not as you direct. 

Leadership needs to evolve; the ones that are teaching and preaching, the ones that are writing books and curriculum, all of this needs to reflect a new way of thinking about marriage and singleness. I recently read a book for school and while the book was surprisingly better than I expected it to be, one flaw that stood out to me was how it dedicated practically an entire chapter to discussing marriage and only one paragraph to addressing singleness. I see this happen over and over again, preachers will teach on marriage but I have never heard a sermon preached on singleness and how to do it well. There are so many ministry jobs out there where they are only looking to hire married people and while there are certain ministry jobs that do lend themselves more to married people according to scripture, there are still so many other jobs that could be done so much more effectively by singles. As I mentioned before, when we see two people beginning a relationship or getting married we so often jump on the boat of congratulations that we never actually check with them to make sure they are doing the right thing. We need to remind people that it is ok to be single and that marriage must be entered cautiously and reverently. Honestly, I believe that for a great many people out there, their spouses and children have become idols, but that is a post for another time. I will simply say this, if you are skipping church to spend time with the family, your priorities are quite evident and they are misaligned but it is not too late to change. Your relationship with God should always be at the top of the list, the thing that sustains you in a way that nothing else can and that should be consistent across the board, whether you are married or single. 

Wrapping Up

There it is, I have put it all out there, I could keep going on this for a while but I would likely be simply beating a dead horse, even more so than I already have. I invite you to be an agent for change in the next generation church. Start implementing changes today, right now. Pray to God to give you a renewed perspective on this often overlooked category of people in the church today. If you are single and reading this, I hope you hear that you are not defective and the church is not just a match-maker party and on behalf of the church, I apologize for the many many years of neglect you have experienced, please do not give up on us and do not stay silent. Your voice needs to be heard because you matter to God and He has a plan for you. For those of you that are married, there is some damage control that needs to be done and the change starts with you. You must be willing to admit that you have been wrong and be willing to change for the better. Well you have a year to think it through before the next Valentines day. I recommend you start working on establishing some new and better habits and work to eliminate some bad ones that may have been conditioned in nativity for the majority of your life. It will most certainly not be easy, but since when is anything worth doing ever easy? Let's retake Valentines Day and make it a day that all people can celebrate, married or single. You may say I am naive, and maybe I am, but I told you that I am an optimist.

Mother’s Day is hard

Trent Hopper

*Warning, the content of this message is personal & intimate & potentially heavy. 

Please read with caution & care. Thank you.

Mother’s Day is a day that is filled with a lot of different emotions for my wife and me. On the one hand we have both grown up celebrating and admiring and honoring our amazing mothers every year since we were little because of how much they do for us (which sounds selfish and self-absorbed when you think about it) but also mostly because of the innate love-connection bond that all children share with their mothers. There is just something unique and somewhat indescribable about the relationship between parent and child, I would even say it is biblical. All of these things then lead most humans to get used to and expect a “normal” cycle of continuation where as you get older you eventually have children of your own and those children celebrate you as well as the people around you celebrate the new role that you are now privileged to take on. 

But what happens when the cycle gets broken? What happens when things don’t go the way for you that they seem to go for most everyone else? Now you’re stuck in a new and different place and it is very challenging to find your place in that world. My wife and I are empty-armed parents. We have a son and his name is Cyrus. He was born at 7:31am on November 25^th, 2013 in our hometown of Charlotte, NC. He weighed 3 lbs. 12 oz and was 16 inches long. He was a beautiful baby boy with very big hands, just like me. This was one of the happiest days ever, but one hour and nine minutes later Cyrus Kal-El Hopper breathed his last and entered into eternity (I believe that he entered into the arms of Jesus) but my wife & I were left behind. Many other people all over the world have gone through this or something like this. Some have gone on to have other living children and while they can relate in some ways, it is very different when you’ve lost a child and have no living children since. So, what do we do now? Nearly 5 years later and living on the other side of the country where no one here has ever met him. People have seen pictures, they’ve commented on our tattoos and we do not shy away from talking about him to anyone who wants to know about him most of the time. But on days like today where everyone celebrates the mothers of the world, we experience the day through different lenses.

On the one hand, as an empty-armed mother you want to stand on top of a mountain and scream as loud as you can to the entire world “I AM A MOTHER TOO! I HAVE A SON! HIS NAME IS CYRUS!” But on the other hand, you also want to cower into a ball in bed and stay there until the whole day is over with. It’s a struggle for sure. Let me assure you first and foremost that we are doing much better today than we were five years ago. This will always be a struggle, and certain days will always bring difficulty, but this is our life. God is faithful, and He gives us the strength to persevere like nothing else but just because you can carry it, doesn’t mean it’s not still heavy. Thank you, Jesus, for always loving us and having a plan for us even when we cannot see it or understand it. Just like Job who though he trusted God it did not stop him from crying out in weakness and frustration. Sometimes the pressure in the tea pot builds and you just have to whistle. This is simply something that it would be nice if the world would understand.

So, what does this mean to you? Or FOR you? Yes, you, the reader that cared enough to click a link and read this far. Well, it means that you have a choice. How you want to respond is your right or privilege and we have no say in it. But if you find your heart being drawn in and you feel the desire to connect with us or be part of what makes days like this better then there are some things you might like to know. This day typically means that there are mothers with their children everywhere, and while that is great and wonderful, for people like us it is extra hard. Seeing parents holding and celebrating with their children, smiling, laughing and enjoying their day makes us long for that with our son that didn’t get to be here on this earth very long. The very sound of children running around and just being children or babies crying as babies do is a very hard sound to hear. That’s not your fault, but it’s our reality. It’s very difficult to go to restaurants today and celebrate my sweet wife’s motherhood because we are surrounded by people who do not see this day through the lens that we do. Again, not their fault, just our reality. Now all of these things are regular realities every day, but they are just amplified on days like this. It might be good to just keep it in mind. Know that when your child is around we are thinking of ours. When your child makes a noise, we are missing the noise our child never gets to make and that it hard. There are very few “safe” places these days where we can go and just know that there won’t be any “triggers” that will make any particular moment harder than we expected it to be, and we have had to get used to that. It’s like when you’ve been in a bad hard accident and every time you hear a car horn or tires screeching you immediately get tense all over. Or if you have been exposed to an abusive relationship and hearing people argue or screaming brings back those difficult memories. Or even when soldiers come back from war and so many potential sights and sounds can trigger memories that are sometime hard to bear. We all have pain that we are dealing with that is hard for each of us to carry at times, this is our pain that we live with every day.

So, what should you do today or any day that you see one of us or any empty-armed parent? First and foremost is simply REMEMBER! Remember that we have a son too. Remember that we are parents. I know it can invoke sadness in your own heart to think about these things and that sometimes that sadness is just too much right now and therefore it is easier to just forget. But if you can handle it, we invite you to remember with us. The sadness eventually becomes bearable and it ultimately gives you a greater understanding. It’s ok to let a little sadness in if it means it expands your understanding of the people around you. But it doesn’t have to stay sad. You can ask us questions about our son, we like to talk about him. Granted, we don’t have new every day stories we can share about what he did the other day which is unfortunate, but our son still existed, and we don’t mind talking to those that genuinely care and are curious. Perhaps don’t ask us about him while you’re holding your child, lol, but we would love to talk about our beautiful son Cyrus with you. Feel free to wish my Ali a happy Mother’s Day, love on her, give her a hug or tell her how much she means to you. These are things you can even do on any day (except obviously wish her a Happy Mother’s Day, because that would be weird). My wife is very selective in what and when she talks (the complete opposite of me) but this should not be interpreted as meaning she doesn’t want to talk. Yes, some days are harder than others, but the kind words and thoughts of friends and family are always appreciated. 

So, on this Mother’s Day, which is technically a made-up Hallmark holiday (which typically I do not like or celebrate), it is very important to me to recognize the people this day connects my heart to. My mother whom I love and miss being able to see as much as I used to since she is on the east coast and I am on the west. She is far from perfect but the love she has in her heart is not to be trifled with. She taught me how to love by displaying it every day of my life. She is wear I get my love for hugs from and I cherish her more than I can express in words. She (and my dad) work very hard to make sure our son is remembered in their own unique way and it means so much to me & my wife. 

When I married my wife, I wasn’t just joining with her but also with her entire family which comes pre-packaged with a mother in law like none anyone has ever seen before. God broke the mold with her for sure, but I don’t want to imagine my life without her. She gives and gives and gives and while she also, is not perfect, she is not afraid to try until she gets it right. Her hear naturally pours out all over those whom she loves. It may not always be the way you want or expect but it happens regardless. Both of these wonderful women have walked with us through tremendous darkness, have prayed by our side and have continued to support us (along with our dads) in emotional ways, financial way, and many more ways that would take too long to list. I include you both in this because you are so valuable to us and we love and appreciate you greatly. 

When you fall in love with someone, it’s true that love does blind you because you can’t see your future or the potential hazards ahead, all you know is that your heart overflows for this person (which I believe is from the Lord) and you want to join your life with theirs. Blemishes and all. I had no idea what the road would look like, but I would not want it any other way. This is the life that God chose for me when I married Kristi Alexis Belote. I could tell she would be a great mom, but I had no clue as to the depth of that but as I have watched her and walked beside her these 10 years and half of that as a mom, I am continuously blown away. She carried our son with great strength and perseverance. She never gave up on our son, no matter what the doctors said and no matter what the statistics said, and she carried him successfully into this world like the champion that she is. Then even more than that, she has exhibited supernatural strength as she has continued to walk this life as an amazing wife even after having to say good-bye to our amazing first & only born son. She does everything in her power to make sure that his life is remembered, and she displays and proves that she is carrying him in her heart every single day. I cannot imagine a stronger woman that I respect and admire more.

So, to the three most important women in my world, I love you so very much and I wish you the best that I can on this day. Not that you would be “happy” because who knows what that really even means, but instead that you would know that you have been faithful in doing what your heavenly Father made you and ordained you to do and you have done it with excellence. May this day simply be a small token of the many badges of honor that you already wear.

It is mother’s day and you are mothers.

Life/Ministry Updates and Current Needs

Hello All! So it has been quite a while since we posted an update and we are truly sorry for that! We are in the process of updating our blog site and will let you know as soon as that is ready. After that, we plan to post monthly detailed updates (and photos!) about what all God is doing here in SoCal.

SO we basically hit the ground running last January and kind of feel like we haven’t stopped since! After arriving in Ontario from our cross-country drive we moved into the Student Housing Apartments of Gateway Seminary. We have a one-bedroom unit (which is probably just about the same size as our previous Master Bedroom/Bathroom in our home in Charlotte). Needless to say, we have down-sized significantly. Soon after we arrived we began searching for jobs, but this became a much more difficult task than we would have imagined. In fact, neither of us was able to land a job until we had been here for several months. This created a lot of financial stress but by God’s grace (and a couple generous gifts from some of you) we managed to get by. Thankfully, we each finally got part-time positions at the Seminary. Trent got a job in the IT department in late July and I got a job in the Mailroom in Early August. Since then, we have been working tirelessly to succeed in Seminary courses, at work, and in Ministry.

During the first 3 months here, we attended 12 different area churches with the hope of finding somewhere to serve and get connected. After all of our searching we were still unclear as to where God was calling us. But just about that time, we learned of a new church plant that was just getting started by a few people at Gateway. We started attending the planning meetings and after a few weeks we felt called to serve at this new church, as we could be a part of the planting team. We felt that since we had been called to California to plant churches, that we should get started right away and take advantage of this unique opportunity to serve along other Missionaries and Planters who have a wealth of experience and knowledge. After several months of planning, we launched our first service to the public in early August. We have since been faithfully volunteering at Rosena Church.

We are so thankful for all that has happened in the past year and for all the new relationships we have made. We have already made so many contacts with area church planters, pastors, missionaries and more! We are especially grateful for the community we have in the Student Housing Apartments as that has been a great blessing to us both.

At this point I (Alex) am working 3 part-time jobs (Mailroom Clerk, Classroom Technician, and Café Server/Barista) at the Seminary. Trent is also working 2 part-time jobs, in addition to attending School full time and keeping up with the course-work. We are so thankful to have work but we are still struggling to cover all of the ongoing expenses of Tuition, Books, and Housing. We have been able to receive some financial aid, but unfortunately it only covers a portion of regular semester tuition (no J-terms or Summer school). We so appreciate everyone who has continued to pray for us on this journey of stepping out in faith, as well as those who have generously donated. We feel we are at a point where we are doing all that we can, and yet we are still coming up short, but we know that God is able. Will you please pray that we will be able to keep Trent in school? He is about to finish his 3^rd semester, which means he is about half way through. Please also pray for the opportunity of a full-time position for me, and possibly Trent as that would help our situation tremendously. 

If you feel led to send monetary support, you can do that easily by making a tax-deductible donation via our Sending Church in Charlotte, Sharon Forest.

Please make checks Payable to:

Sharon Forest Baptist Church

With a note in the Memo: “Trent and Alex Hopper”

And mail to: Attn: Randy Lankford

                               5160 Shoreview Dr.

                               Concord, NC 28025

Any amount would be a blessing to us. One-time, or monthly donations are both appreciated. As always, we covet your prayers as we continue to follow God’s call on our lives as we seek to spread HIS love here in Southern California.

We miss you all greatly! We would love to hear from you either via Facebook or email but especially by snail mail. Here is our address:

                       Trent and Alex Hopper

                       1536 E Princeton St.

                       Apt. 11

                       Ontario, CA 91764

With love,

Alex (and Trent)

A beautiful reminder

Well it was our first Sunday worshipping in our new home in Ontario, California and it was a strange amazing experience. It is still a little strange sensation meeting new people and telling them how we came to be here. If you're not a Christian then nothing about what we did makes any sense because we gave up our home, family and practically everything we own to come here because we trust that our God knows best and so when He calls we answer.

I am happy to say that we do officially have a couch to sit on, a bed to sleep on and food in our fridge. There are still several boxes around the apartment to unpack and we're still trying to decide if and where we want to "hang" a few things on the wall. And by "hang" I mean use command strips because we are still living by our no holes, no paint policy. I still need to get a few of our utilities switched over to our name as we approach being here for 1 full week but we have finally gotten internet at the apartment which is what allows me to finally post a new blog since we used up almost all our data driving accross the country.

Here's some of the biggest updates since my last post: Friday was New Student Orientation was Friday and it went very well. I got to meet several other seminary students, some with beards and sadly some without. We toured the campus again and most importantly I got to hear first hand the hearts of some of the staff at Gateway like Jeff Iorg (the President), Adam Groza, Shane Tawnigawa and a couple others as well. It was so refreshing to hear them all have such a common heart for sharing the Gospel, planting churches and placing priority on family and church service. It has me very excited for classes (not tomorrow but on the 30th, oops, so yay an extra week before class).

Next update is that we've been experiencing our yearly supply of rain over the course of the next 2 days. It started on Friday, we got a break from it yesterday and it has continued again today and at least for all day tomorrow. Prayers would be appreciated as we are on the lower floor and California does not necessarily have proper irrigation. I have bought some portable water blockers to keep water away from our door and so far they seem to be working. The last update is that we got to go worship for the first time on the west coast at a church plant called The Vine. It was a wonderful experience and we are looking forward to visiting others and making as many connections as possible. You can pray for this as well that the Lord would direct us to where He wants us to serve and get connected.

I still haven't fully gotten used to being here yet. As I drive around doing different errands I still can't help but notice this giant beautiful mountain everywhere I look. If you're not familiar with the geography of Ontario, CA there is a mouintain called Baldy that you can see from almost anywhere in the citry and surrounding areas. It is gorgeous (when you can see it, sometimes smog blocks it from sight) but it's also a very beautiful reminder that I am not home. I can be walking around a Walmart, a Lowes or whatever and it could just so easily be a Walmart or Lowes that I would frequent in good ole Charlotte, NC on a fairly regular basis (sometimes mulitple times a day) but then I step outside and there it is...that beautiful reminder...that I am not home. In fact, I am on the other side of the country and 3 hours behind all my family and east coast friends. It is definitely going ot take some getting used to. My sweet and beautiful wife has finally been able to make us some home cooked meals and in fact is doing so as I type. Please continue to pray for us, as they are needed and very much working. We miss you all so very much. Feel free to email us or even better send us a card. Our address is 1536 E. Princeton St. Apt 11 Ontario, CA 91764. Until the next one :)

If only...

As Ali and I have been driving across so many different highways, insterstates and back roads going accross the country I have noticed a certain sign quite frequently and I always hate to see it. The sign says "Rough Road Ahead" and basically it means that there is a stretch of road coming up that has multiple bumps, craters pot holes etc that can make your driving experience quite unpleasant (especially when you are driving a 16' truck and car trailer). It doesn't matter how fast or slow you go it is going to be unpleasant, frustrating and annoying.

If only real life came with warning signs like this so that we could know when "Rough Roads" are ahead. It's not like it would make a huge difference, I still have to drive the road and there's not really time to turn or stop so you just have to end up plowing forward knowing that shortly your journey is going to get bad. So often we think that it would be better if God would share His plans with us and let us in on His thinking...but as I have had time to reflect on some "rough roads" that I've gone through I don't know if I could stand to know what was coming.

Here is the weird thing, as bumpy and unpleasant as the road was, it was almost completely contained within the right lane...the left lane was almost perfect. If I would just shift over to the left a little bit the whole experience was completely different. I think that if when we go through these unpleasant parts of life we shift just a little bit to what God's perspectivce is, it may not take us off the "rough road" but it does may the overall experience more bareable. This unfortunately isn't as easy as just shifting to the left lane but it is still possible. Ask God to use you to point others to Him even in the midst of hardship. You may have to ask more than once and getting in the Word and knealing before the Father on a regular basis sure makes this easier, but don't take my word for it. Try it out.

Perspective

I thought that just driving a 16' Penske truck with a car trailer across country was stressful enough, but then your GPS says drive 137 miles to Albuquerque you add fog so thick that you can hardly see the lane to the left or to the right. It's so unbelievably thick that you have absolutely no perspective whatsoever and I can't even tell if I am driving up hill or down except for the shifting of the large, loud engine of the truck I'm driving. Thankfully I have the soft glow of my iPhone giving me a slight idea of what the road ahead does but that still doesn't do much for the stress of driving a very large vehicle at 63 mph when you can only see 10' in front of you at a time. There are only 2 things that comfort me in that very stressful situation; the occasional red tail lights of the cars occassionally passing me and the solid white line to my right side that keeps me from vearing off into an unknown ditch or who knows what else.

Perspective is so important when you're a Christian and you have to live in this world that pursues everything completely opposite to what we know to be true and priority. As we head down that incredibly long road that our Creator calls us to live we encounter moments of fog where visibility is going to be extremely limited and the potential danger increases exponentially, with just the slightest deviation off our course we could quickly find ourself in a ditch or worse. The white lines are the spiritual disciplines we set, practice and implement every day, the red tail lights are the strong Christian influences that we connect with that act as examples, encuragment and accountability when we are feeling weak or diminished. When these moments come if we do not have the white lines and red tail lights it will mean certain disaster. If the road suddenly goes left or right and I don't have that solid white line acting as a bright guide letting me know where not to cross then I could wander off the path without realizing it and next thing I know, destruction. While the red tail lights were far less frequent than I would like they bring a great comfort to me because while they are near me for only a moment and then they slowly get farther away, as I watch their path in a moment of such darkness I can now follow in their steps and it keeps me on track until hopefully the fog thins or dissipates completely.

Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse that most Christians who have been a Christian for any significant amount of time know very well and many probably use it as their favorite verse or "life verse". It says,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
I have found that typically people focus mostly on the first part of the verse but don't quite gather all that is said in the last 6 words and how those 6 words add so much to everything before it. I read that verse and I can't help but notice that everything leading up to those 6 words is a pretty tall order and I would think that if we are truly honest with ourselves it's not an easy or natural thing to do. Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, we do not live in a trustworthy world or in the midst of a trusting society so to ask someone to give that trust to someone COMPLETELY is a challenge to say the very least. Then it says lean not on YOUR own understanding, which if you watch any TV or read any magazines or read social media then you know that everything in this world tells us to trust your instincts, do what you think is right or makes you happy. However, IF you can manage to do this and in ALL ways acknowledge Him (Jesus) THEN here's what happens then, HE (Jesus) will make your paths straight. To make your paths straight means to take the question out of the decision. You no longer have to wonder what to do, where to go or how things are going to happen in the future. If you're walking down a road that has lots of curves, turns, forks and bends in it then it can be a challenge to navigate your way and very easy to get lost or turned around. But if you're walking down a straight path it's pretty hard to mess that up. This verse is saying that when you trust Jesus with everything and put your faith in Him instead of yourself that He will make your decisions easy. Not just easy, but obvious. This is huge. The Holy Spirit pointed this truth out to me a few months to a year ago and I tried diligently to get my students to grasp this but grasping and implementing are two very different things and if grown adults have a pretty difficult time with this then students are going to take some time.

The road I was driving down tonight could not have been much straighter, yet like I said, that doesn't change the fact that I couldn't see 10 feet in front of me and so I had to trust in that solid white line because my life and the life of my wife & Lois depended on it. When those moments come it's too late to start implementing biblical principles in your life life studying the Word of God on a daily basis, talking and meditating with the Holy Spirit to learn to discern the Lord's will and all the other things we've grown up hearing we're supposed to be doing. Same is true for trying to build relationships with people that point you to Christ, encourage you and keep you accountable in your weakest moments. When the fog rolls in, you have what you have. You will do what you're in the habit of doing. You'll turn to the people that you already have as focal points in your life and those things will either save you or doom you.

I recently got the new iPhone 7 Plus (yes, I know it's been out a while). One of the very cool features of this iPhone is in the camera app you have a new photo taking mode called "Portrait Mode" and what it does is it detects what you are trying to focus on and it blurs the surrounding background. It's called "depth effect" and it makes for a really sharp photo because it removes all the distractions form what you want everyone to focus on. This is what happens when you Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart and lean NOT on your OWN UNDERSTANDING and in ALL your ways acknowledge HIM. My encouragement or challenge to you is that whether you are driving through a fog, just came out of a fog or you've been driving in clear weather for a while and you are well overdue for some fog that you will realize the importance of having the right PERSPECTIVE and start implementing right choices for your future so that next time you encounter that terrifying fog you will be stressed but not lost because you will have that white line and red tail lights to guide you through it.

Truck Life